Acumen

I’m a simple, predictable person. I’ve written on the same theme so many times, that you’ll get bored of these posts getting repetitive.

All I write about is humans.

We recently had a lecture on social psychology. My teacher said something that was presently irrelevant to the topic, but it stuck with me for a long time and that’s when I lost focus in class and divulged into my thoughts. She said, “It’s a very human thing to do.” She was talking about this thing called self-serving attribution. It’s basically a tendency to associate all the good and positive outcomes with yourself and the rest negative and ‘bad’ outcomes with others.

Well, yeah, sure. It is a human thing to do. That’s where the blame game comes from, doesn’t it? But on the other hand, there are people who love to associate all the negative outcomes with themselves and not take credit for every positive outcome. Is that human too? Maybe it is. It’s nihilism for sure, but what would make something human?

Animals (almost all of them) aren’t devious and petty (well, petty, sure but they don’t hold a grudge against someone, they simply kill), they aren’t selfish and greedy either. Humans are. Most animals are also not deceivers, nor are they emotional. Humans are.

Why is it that being emotional, putting yourself first and also being selfless at the same time are considered human? I like watching people being kind, and I used to think how human they are. How honest and down to earth and humble they are. Are these really humanistic qualities? Aren’t they more animalistic? Why are animalistic qualities considered degrading? They’ve got so much better characteristics than humans and yet, when someone calls you animalistic, you feel offended. If we keep the characteristics of what we think is ‘human’ to us, animals are more human than humans themselves.
Well, all that I’ve spluttered above is what went on in my head when the lecture was going on. I zoned out and missed the topic my teacher taught next. F.

I’m also a piece of shit. I would smugly blame it on the world for all the bad things I’ve become teehee. Bad, I say, in my perspective. I wouldn’t make small talk with you unnecessarily unless the atmosphere is eerily silent or awkward. I would most definitely ignore your life goals and what you ate this afternoon or where you went because it does not have any impact on my life. It’s a useless conversation. I simply do not care. I’m too busy pushing myself over deadlines and sleeping on time and becoming a better (or worse) person, so forgive me for not having the time to listen to your adventures.

Intellectually appealing conversations, on the other hand, are on a different, more approachable level. I wouldn’t mind losing my sleep over theoretical physics or picking around at peculiar behaviours. There aren’t many people to talk to, about things that intrigue me. And yet, I lose my sleep because of my excruciatingly painful kindness.

Is having a cardinal trait that you don’t like possible? It’s such a sad place to be. More than half of your personality is built around your cardinal trait, and imagine the disappointment in yourself when you don’t like how you are. I am going to blame it on you guys, who tell me that I’m such a nice person. It’s a negative thing for me because I don’t like how nice I am. I cannot even change it because not being nice feels ‘fake’. Like, I cannot knowingly hurt someone for no reason. How could anybody possibly do that!
Where do these cardinal traits even come from? I’m assuming mostly from how you’re brought up. Don’t mind me attacking your previous generations for how screwed up you turned out to be. We’re all in this together. Some of us are in deeper shit than the others, but still, all of us are in the shit together. Some of us bathing in the shit like we own it and others trying very hard to clean ourselves from all the past dumped on us, but still, we’re all dirty. Some of us know what the shit is and consciously try to avoid it, while some of us have been so gullible to think that the shit is literally the best food ever and we just eat it all up.

Imagine not having a mind of your own and ‘listening to your elders’ just because they’re closer to death than you are. Why would you do it? Out of respect, maybe. I don’t know, I’d love to understand where you come from. I’m betting on respect though. ‘Respect your elders!’ But like, why?

Oh well, sure, respect is an ideal concept and is a right of every individual to give to everyone else initially. I respect you all. I respect your thoughts and opinions, I understand where you’re coming from, and I accept you for who you are. This does not mean, in any way, that my acceptance is the same as agreeing with your ideas. I will respect you until you respect me. If you talk down on my thoughts and opinions and make the conversation all about you and be completely stubborn and one-tracked, it’s pretty difficult to respect you. You don’t deserve my respect. Nobody deserves respect, you earn it. The fact that I respect you does not mean that you take it for granted and stomp all over it and then have the audacity to complain about why you’re not respected anymore. Oh also count in the shameless demanding of respect. It’s astounding how one would demand respect from you after all the disrespectful and intolerable things they’ve done. So what if you’re older than me? So what if you’re on your deathbed or the most popular person in the world? You don’t deserve my respect if you cannot accept me for who I am.

I… I think I’ve written quite much.

This is definitely not the right time to write a blog and here I am with my end semester practical exams the next day and written exams in a week.

There’s been a lot on my mind, astonishment about some very negative and very peculiar habits that people around me have cultivated. The adjectives I used to describe their ‘habits’ are subjective, I agree. I would just want to ask you Why do you do this? May I please pick your brains and try to make sense of what happens in there? Are you not concerned about your life? Do you not worry about your future, even just a little bit? Have you been sheltered by your caretakers to the extent that they would take care of you till the end of your beautiful, inexperienced life?

You are the only person who would stay with you throughout your life.

I know, my tone has become bitter and specific, but in my defence, I use blogging as a cathartic method. It is just simply disturbing when I meet someone who is so detached from their life and takes literally everything for granted. What’s the magic pill that you’ve swallowed which makes you so indifferent to the consequences of your actions?

I would say I was jealous of your luxury to not give a rat’s ass about whatever you do, but I cannot lie. If someone has successfully made me jealous of them, it’s the biggest compliment they could get from me. If I’ve ever told you that I’m jealous of you, take it as a compliment. I’m a very placid and agreeable person, so if something does make me jealous, I feel exhilarated about it. It’s like a feeling of something new in your life which finally gives you the motivation to improve or try and inculcate the quality you’re jealous of. Of course, it’s not necessary that I excel in the things you’re flawless at. That’s exactly where my jealousy comes from. It could be used synonymously with ‘lookup to’ or ‘appreciate’ you.

Update – It’s the next day and my practical exam went goooood. Yes I abruptly shut off this site and started studying for it. Felt like an instant high, with no obvious reason.

Well, I avoid continuing a blog post for more than a day with a long gap because I’m an impulsive writer and my thought process isn’t the same after hours of gap. Unless, you know, I wanted to make a point. So I’ll end this excruciatingly personal and cathartic post here. Just remember, respect nobody and be jealous of everybody! Bwahaha intense sarcasm don’t get misled.

Kthnxbye!